Out of My Head

Still...

pretty bummed about this whole weight thing. It will help when my little trampoline gets here. It really didn't help that it was back ordered when I was so revved up about things.

On the bright side, the last 2 days were migraine free! Today I've got one starting  but I took some meds and hopefully will start feeling better soon. I need to get out and work with the bunnies some and do laundry-the kids have been home more so there is always a load going in or out of the washer.

Two more things I've been invited to that I am too fat for...nothing really to say, just that I'll keep on trying...

actually as I was listing my meds in my diary I realized that only yesterday was migraine free-still grateful for that though :)

Don't know what to do now...

Well, my doctor called yesterday afternoon (I told you he was a good doctor) but of course I was taking a nap and missed it. Anyway, he called back today and get this...my thyroid is normal, even more "normal" than it was 6 years ago. Which I think really surprised the both of us. So now what do I do? Stay on the Lyrica and have more pain free days but be too FAT to do anything? He wants to retest it in a month; meanwhile I guess I'll keep eating my carrots and salads and one meal a day and hope that MAYBE I at least can lose the new lbs. I STILL don't want to go to Independence to visit our friends. It would be different if we were staying at their house but we are supposed to go out both nights. I suppose we'll end up going-they are about the only friends we have

I groomed a pair of Bichon puppies today -they are SO cute but I remember why I stopped raising puppies! I'm too old for this LOL! Still, I hope we can get that WFT pup from the shelter in Kansas. If not I have the application from the Doberman Rescue...yeah we are considering several breeds. I would still like another Boxer but it's taken them so long. I still think about Corbyn, but that's not surprising...I still think of dogs long gone. They do leave their mark on your heart.

Well, I'd better go get busy

Get ready to rambleee...!

OK, I am just going to ramble on today, hopefully coherently but ya never know. SO MUCH has been going on. We've done some raptor pickups...one was a young bald eagle that was probably poisoned. I held him while Betsy tubed & fed him...do you know how AWESOME it is to hold a bald eagle???? It was on a Sunday, so Dan & I missed church to take him up to the center, but I don't think God minded since we were helping one of his creatures.

I did miss one of God's nudges however the next week when Gale & I had to go down to Rulo to pick up an injured owl. Since we were that far south I really felt like we should go on to St Joe, where my parents lived. But I decided that we had to get the bird back to be treated as it was pretty bad. So we went home, and by the time we got back to Nebraska City the owl had died. 2 days later my grandmother, who was in a nursing home in St Joe, passed away. So, the moral of this story is when you get one of those "gut feelings" you'd better go with it and not try to rationalize yourself out of it. I know my grandmother didn't know whether I was there or not, but I will always know that I wasn't. She was 94 years old and went peacefully. Hospice is a wonderful thing.

Yesterday was my routine doctor visit...it was NOT one of my better days. I have been trying for some time now to lose weight and  I am in a constant battle because my meds tend to make me tired and lethargic but I have at least managed to maintain it. I recently set a goal for myself and will be adding an exercise program as soon as the contraption gets here. Anyway, I step on the scale at the clinic and I had gained 10 lbs! I could not believe it! It turns out that one of the side effects of Lyrica is weight gain. I was SO upset! I already have the blurry vision side effect (you would think all those raw baby carrots I eat would improve that , but no) and now weight gain. I am SO frustrated-I know people look at me and think wow-fat lazy broad. I hate it, I hate how I look and feel and I hate that people see me like this. And I am trying SO hard, there is hardly anything here to eat anyway and no "goodies" at all. My daughter tried to make me feel better by saying "well, just think how much you would have gained if you hadn't been trying to lose weight?" can't say that helped at all. The doc did have some blood drawn to check my thyroid, since all my eyebrows are growing out of my chin now.. I'm supposed to call today or tomorrow for the results. Oh goody...may be now I can use the "I'm fat because I have thyroid problems". I wish that some day I could have something wrong with me that shows...like a broken leg or lose an arm. That gets a lot more validation than migraines, IBS, depression, THYROID problems, etc. Of course the WEIGHT shows...looks like I'm a lazy fat slob that can't control how much she eats. Yay self image. In my head I look like I did after high school, but I KNOW how I look and I hate it. I hate that people see me and I've already had to fight myself SO hard to get out and go places and now when I try to get thinner and make myself feel better I put on 10 MORE lbs. OK, I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle, I accept that. But boy, am I TIRED of all this. Funny how back in the day before all these meds I was energetic, ambitious and about a 100 lbs lighter. I think a little high BP, a couple of manic episodes, and a few migraines would be a small price to pay to have my life back.

ARGH!

yep, home alone all weekend with plans to clean house top to bottom:)

*&%$#& migraine!!!!! All weekend long as usual-not as bad as it could have been but bad enough that I couldn't focus on anything and I kept dropping things and tripping over doorways so I gave up on my house cleaning attempts. I SO wanted to surprise Gale with all my labor when he got home-so much for my plans; God giving me a humility lesson again (I think I've GOT it by now, but He seems to differ) By the time the sun went down on Sunday I was feeling a little better and Monday was the tired, wiped out day. Yesterday I did pretty good...I tried stretching my migranal out all day and that seemed to work pretty good for me so I will try it again next time. When Gale got home from work we did rabbit chores together, watched the koi for awhile then watched "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" That was our exciting 4th of July celebration, but it suited us just fine.

Today I woke up with the beast, but so far the meds have tamed it a little but it's nibbling away at the edges and I may just give up and take some pain meds if I want to get anything done. I have already warned hubby via email though that if he wants to keep his stupid cat he needs to bring me home something nice. First the big fur shedding, litter box filling monster sprawled on the bed while I was trying to make it, she then started hacking up a hairball. I got her off in time, but she immediatly ran under the bed and hacked it up there. I keep thinking of all the positive things that will happen when she dies...like we can get new furniture, and I won't step on hairballs in the morning, and no more shed hair clumps all over...ahhh I may have to hurry her along. HE was the one who wanted a Maine Coon cat, and HE was the one who wanted Lionhead rabbits. I prefer short haired, wash and dry type critters myself. Or a nice clean snake that just peels it's dirty skin off in one big piece every so often...oh well, I guess as long as I have the husband I'll have to keep his critters too.

On a sad note the father of a very dear friend of ours passed away this week, and we will be attending his funeral on Friday. Lloyd was a sweet, funny man and will be missed by a lot of people. He was blessed with a wife of 50 years, 3 children and several grandchildren

Good news!

Hubby's tests came back-the lymph node was fine and although the mole was pre-cancerous they got it all. So I suppose now I'll have to give him more back rubs so I can keep track of them :) Thanks for your prayers. I know God hears each and every prayer, not always as we want but he DOES answer

He is spending the weekend at his mom's. She is doing OK, but feels better if there is someone there. Amanda is there, but she is working 12 hour shifts so she really can't be up a couple times per night with grandma. Dan works this weekend too so he is staying with friends in Syracuse. So, I'm alone; as alone as I can be with all these pesky critters anyway.

I like being alone, but no sooner than Gale was gone my back started to itch-you know, in that place you just CAN'T reach by yourself. So I sidle up to the door frame and rub...ohhh, feels SO good! Of course doing this makes me think of a big old sow, rubbing her itchy backside on a fence post. I don't know how many of you are familiar with pigs, but a scratching sow gets a look of utter bliss and contentment when scratching an itchy place. Pigs are the most like us of any animal I think. If you look at one closely you will see they have very human looking eyes. And they really don't smell, it's only humans crowding them together that makes them smell. I am sure if you put a hundred or so humans together they would smell as bad or worse. And smart...they KNOW when someone wants to move them that they probably aren't going to a good place and react accordingly. Definately NOT "lambs to the slaughter"! (oh and don't get me started on sheep) And an escaped pig has no trouble fending for itself, so maybe it's their independence that makes me like them. And yes, I like them as chops and bacon too. The last pigs we had were pot bellied pigs. The ones we had stayed pretty small, but even a miniature pig can get pretty big. We finally decided to keep just one, but as things went we just didn't have enough time for her and so we gave her away. The lady who took her and her husband  had raised hogs and when they retired their operation she found she missed having them around. This has been several years ago, and I STILL get a card and a picture every Christmas from Polly Pig letting me know how she is doing. See, I'm not the only person who is a little sentimental about pigs

Well, I think my head is a little better...woke up with a mig this AM and I find that blogging helps me relax while the meds work. It gives me something to focus on by going back and fixing my spelling and syntax errors. So I hope you didn't mind my ramble this morning. And a Happy 4th too, just in case I don't get back before then :)