It's difficult

It's very difficult to work around babies and pregnant women every moment when one is TTC (trying to conceive for the uninitiated).  I manage pretty well.  I haven't snapped, "Just be grateful!" to anyone complaining in early third trimester that they're so tired of being pregnant.  I don't get too envious when around my pregnant coworker.  I really am happy for her, and she's so encouraging.  No one seems to get too put out with me constantly talking about cycle days and peeing on pregnancy tests.  When I had a migraine tonight, one of the docs kindly ordered me a blood pregnancy test so I could take a Relpax without worry.  But, when the negative result came from the lab, I asked to leave work early.  Not just from the head pain, but from the sheer frustration of the 'always a bridesmaid' feeling.  Tim doesn't understand.  Yes, he wants me to get pregnant, but if it doesn't happen right this minute, his life will go on unimpeded.  But I've wanted to have a baby for the entire time we've been married, so I feel like this has been an eternity.  For him it's just been nine months of trying.  He looks at me like I've just gone nuts every time a new purchase shows up (ovulation predictor kits, fertility saliva microscope, basal thermometer, Preseed), Evening Primrose Oil, assorted books), but for me it's serious, and I feel the passage of every day. 

I love my job, but with each progressing infertile day, I wish I worked at Target.  Scratch that, they have a baby department.  Okay, sometimes I wish I worked at Home Depot.