What happens to me

Tim and I were having a fight the other day (no surprise there, sometimes that's all we do), and he suggested that sometimes my migraines happened at "convenient" times for me.  He meant that I use them to get out of going to the ILs.  It really bothered me.  Every time I think he gets it, and truly understands and empathizes, he makes some stupid comment like this, and I know that he really doesn't understand.  And while I can understand ignorance in the masses, he lives with me.  But, I guess you can't understand, truly, until you've gone through it.

Migraine is truly a bizarre illness.  Not only do I get pain, but I get prodromal symptoms, a wide range of auras, and prodromal symptoms, too.  I guess when I do something, I do it right!  Before a migraine, when I'm in prodrome, I'll often yawn, get incredibly happy, or get incredibly touchy and easily angered.  Or I may cry for no reason.  I'll often flush blood red.  A lot of times, I'll do all of the above, or a combination.  And that's just to let me know that the light at the end of the tunnel is, in fact, a train.  Then comes the pain and the aura.  For most people, the idea of aura is seeing lights.  Yep, I do that.  I also have blurred vision.  And to just expand into all the senses, I'll have tinnitus, or I'll just flat-out hear things (books falling to the floor, doors slamming, or, the worst, radios playing in a distant room).  You have no idea how annoying it is to hear something but not be able to distinguish the details.  This can go on for hours.  And then, there's the smells.  I have olfactory aura, too.  I smell burning wood, or clean Pampers (better than dirty pampers, I suppose).  I have learned to live with most of it, but the indistinct radio is the worst!  And there's the pain.  Ah, yes, that.  Sometimes it's dull, sometimes it's agony I can't get away from, no matter what I do.  The pain too can go on for hours.  Or days.

But I've left out my "favorite" parts.  I have confusion and difficulty speaking.  I have difficulty walking.  That's part of the reason I don't practice law.  I cannot imagine being in front of a judge or jury and saying something that makes absolutely no sense.  Oh, I forgot to mention that sometimes I substitute words that don't make sense in the sentence.  I manage as a nurse pretty well, but sometimes the Dr. Seuss words pop out, and I apologize and explain that my migraines make me do it.

There is never a convenient time to experience these things.  It's not the old, "I have a headache" cliche.  Sometimes it's the worst thing I've ever lived through.  And even though I'm doing much better now, even if I'm pain-free I can still feel the headache there.  For non-migraineurs this may sound like absolute nonsense, but fellow sufferers know what I'm talking about.  It's strange, but it's like feeling a hole where a tooth once was.  The pain is gone, but there's a hole left.  I have an ever-present reminder of what my life is.

Comments

[Teri]

{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}

[Deb W]

Mel, my husband gets it too - not only from living with me, but his mom has migraines.
But, a few times when one has hit and we're due at a family dinner, he tries to get me to go by saying I can just go lay down. No, that won't work. First, it really sets me apart and draws attention to what's going on and second, if I'm going to lay down, I want to lay down at home. I want my wonderful sleep number system bed, my familiar pillows and my TV (yes, I'm a crazy migraineur who can 90% of the time keep the TV on in order not to go completely insane).
And I know what you mean by painfree but the headache is still there. My mother in law knows that meaning, too.

[Sure Don'tgetitbutwantto]

Greetings,
I'd love to steal the migraine from my wife just one time to take away her pain just once. I do believe it has partially destroyed our marriage because of the sympathy I lack (I'm A JERK!)mostly I just don't understand. I've had about 10 or so headaches in my entire life and just took my mind off of it and it went away. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the severe pain that people suffer from this but also believe that presciption drugs create a dependecy which creates its own viscious cycle. I am not being insensitive here at all. I think stress is a giant part but also underlying, possibly buried issues, or even other diagnosis such as a mild case of Tourette Syndrome? The cycle of dependency also creates this symptoms. I have done tons of research and not to be contradictive, because I'm positive you've tried everything from A-Z but have you ever tried to eat or drink tea with a recipe made from marijuana? Maybe once or twice per month could possibly relieve you along with some massage therapy or relaxation techniques? I am in no way saying that illegal substances are an answer and I am against drugs and their legalization but I believe just as my wife does, that it may help to try things other than fioricet and butalbital and many other "bad drugs" that are habit forming and truly profit expieriments. I also believe that the benefits of marijuana far outweigh what the Government leads everybody to believe. I'm sure you've already stopped reading this! Just in case you are still skimming through this and have tried everything but marijuana, it can't kill you but most pills can!

[Sproctor11]

Hiya Mel,

I echo Teri's response somewhat in that most of the time I think my wife "gets it" also... but every once & a while, some comment comes flying out of her that makes me wonder if she really does. I've noticed that her negative comments seem to come flying out when the frustration level (on her part) is unusually high and I try to be a little understanding when it happens. Unfortunately, the timing of this most often finds me in the middle of a nasty migraine and not in the best position to be real understanding, if you know what I mean .

I so wish & pray that this disease could be easier on us all...

God Bless,

Stephen

[Lyn]

Hello,
I'm not sure where to start, this is the first time I've written in one of these things...here goes.

It's a beautiful sunny summer day, a friend came by to borrow a water container for their camping trip, "oh, you're invited if you feel well enough..." I feel like shit, this week the constant migraine pain has been 7 or higher all week long. Depakote set me back and although I've been off it for 3 weeks now, my legs still ache and I've got some extra weight to carry. I tried to walk a couple of days ago, I made it 3 blocks and knew I needed to go home, then I was in bed the rest of the day. I am just so tired of it. I've had these awful thoughts lately that I wish I had a terminal illness and I'd just die, then I remember to be careful what you wish for and I know I JUST WANT TO GET RID OF THE PAIN. I have two daughers, 16 and 5, they need me. The 16 year-old is just generally pissed off (about many things...and often takes it out on me) the 5 year-old is the 'light' at the end of the tunnel and brings me much joy. My partner is wonderful, but she lost her job in the spring and is going from job interview to interview and feels the stress of 'taking care of our family.'I try so hard to keep my spirits up, but they're falling.

I just read about 5-HTP and am trying to get into my naturopath to see about that. I may need to be off lexapro awhile before I can take it anyway. Need to get all my records to my new neurologist that specializes in head pain and haven't had the energy to sign the release forms. I've tried most of the triptans and several preventatives including Topamax, nothing works for me. My best results have been through alternative medicine, but only short lived, including 2 trips to Brazil to see John Of God.

Reading what I've written, it sounds like a regular "bitch" session. On a lighter note, my faith in God does strengthen me [this week I feel a little abandoned]and yet I know Spirit is still with me. My garden is growing and tomorrow we will at least go to the lake and meet our friends for the day, oxycodone is my friend. I keep a gratitude journal and do find many things to be grateful for, right now my partner's fixing me a sandwich, our oldest has a date with her boyfriend, and our youngest is playing next door. Except for migraine I have a great life...I hope 'you' do too.
Blessings,
Lyn